Finding My Light
by raindrops855
Summary: ON HIATUS. Young surgeon Bella isn't convinced that the son of one of the richest men alive is truly in love with her, and sends him away from herself. Circumstances lead to her changing her mind, and him falling deeper in love.
1. Prologue

EPOV

I finally found the courage to push the door open and took a tentative step inside. Dad had told me that she was tired and fallen asleep so I looked straight to the bed to locate her. And there she was…there _she_ was. She was curved up into a ball on her side with her hands tucked under her chin. I was frozen at the spot. My feet were like lead, my hands wouldn't move. She was here, it really was her. I didn't really believe it until this moment, until I saw her with my own eyes. As the realization hit me my knees gave away and I collapsed to the floor. I tucked my knees under my chin and watched her. I watched how she breathed in and out. I watched how my life breathed in and out. In my house. In her house. In this room, this bed…that wasn't hers.

I immediately got up and shot to her side. I wiggled one arm under her neck and pulled her in a half-sitting position. She barely opened her eyes and looked at me, confused, like I was a dream.

'What are you doing?' she seemed disoriented, not fully awake.

'This isn't your bed' , I was surprised by the fierceness in my voice and the irritation I felt at the fact that she had been lying here.

I slid my other arm under her knees and scooped her up off the offending bed that all of a sudden annoyed me to the world's end. I couldn't get her away from it fast enough. She decided to give up the fight against disorientment and sighed, resting her head against my shoulder and drifting off. I strode out of the room and down the hall. When I came to the end of it, I kicked the door open to the room and walked straight to the stairs leading up to the platform and put here down as gently as I could manage on the bed. Ours, mine, hers. She rolled slowly over to the other side and I put the comforter on her. Her comforter, lying on her pillow, on her bed. I looked at the bed and the room around me and felt sorry for all of it…all that time that this room and the things in it had spent being ignorant of belonging so completely to her, deprived of her healing presence. Poor things.

BPOV

I shot open my eyes as soon as I was awake. I half-sat and searched frantically and there he was, sitting on the armchair in the corner, with the white drapes flowing slightly beside him. He eyes were fixed on me with an expression I couldn't read. I didn't need to ask to know that he hadn't slept a wink. Neither did I need to be told that he had been sitting on that chair ever since…

'…you carried me here', I started looking around to see where he had brought me. I was aware of being moved last night but I was too relaxed and relieved to be in his arms to care about the surroundings and had dozed off again before reaching the destination.

His face remained unchanged as he watched me take in my surroundings and get back my bearings.

'This is your room?' I asked while looking around me, seeing bits and pieces of him everywhere. The question was redundant, definitely his room.

'_Your_ room', my head snapped in his direction as I heard his voice addressing me for the first time in months. There was fierceness in his tone that made something inside my chest twist and I felt it in the tips of my fingers. His room is my room?

'Why do I have a room in your house?' I whispered.

'You know the answer to that question.' He challenged me.

I kept looking at him. I knew what his clenched fists, his tightened jaw and his fixed eyes were saying. 'You are here in my house. I begged you to love me. You asked me to stay away and it killed me. But I did as you asked. And now you are in my house. Don't even try to challenge my love after this .'

And I understood all that perfectly. However, yesterday, I had given up everything in a matter of seconds and flown halfway across the world to find him. And I was terrified that these past few months I had hurt him too much by keeping him away from me. Maybe he didn't want this anymore. Maybe he didn't want me to throw my life into his hands anymore. Maybe the very reason I was scared to let this happen a few months ago had come true after all. I needed him to confirm or deny that.

I took a deep breath and removed the comforter to step out of bed. I walked over to him and kneeled on the floor in front of him, putting my hands on top of his clenched ones, unconsciously emulating his exact stance from a few months ago.

'Why do I have a room in your house, Edward?' My voice sounded small, barely above a whisper.

He grimaced, his fists still clenched, his eyes teared up with ancient grief and he looked defeated.

'Because it's yours. The house, the room, everything above and beyond. Because I am yours, and you own all of it because you own all of me. When will you ever realize that and put me out of my misery?' his voice was choked as he tried to contain his sobs, but his tears fell regardless.

'Oh, my love' I reached up to him and pulled his face down to me and pressed my lips to his. I was frantic with the need to comfort him. He whimpered at the contact as our lips touched for the first time. We both took deep breaths with our noses, taking air from each other, and remained still, with only our lips pressed together as we tried to pour all the tension and grief out of us. After a while I pulled away, our noses still touching and I opened my eyes to look at him. His eyes were still closed and I took his face more firmly in my hands and kissed the tip of his nose. Then his right eye, then his left. His left cheek. I ran my fingers over his right cheek bone and kissed his chin and paused to look at his eyes again, which were still closed. Then I kissed his forehead and didn't move my lips from there. Finally, he let out a breath he had been holding for a long time and reached out his hands and pulled me up by my arms. I got up and sat sideways on his left thigh, with my legs dangling between his . He tightened his arms around me so that they formed a circle and pulled me close to him. I lay with my head resting on the base of his neck.

'I am a know-it-all-idiot. And chicken shit. It's a dangerous combination.' I sighed as I revealed my great epiphany to him. My whole world, the stars, the sun and the moon, all aligned in their right places when I heard and felt a throaty and amused laughter coming from the centre of my universe and I finally felt him relax under me


	2. Chapter 2: Bella and the rain

The rain poured by bucket loads today. It was a lot, even by Forks' standards. The crazy wind was out of its mind. I wrapped myself in warm layers and put on my rubber boots as I splashed my way to the hospital.

I quickly made my way to the basement with the locker rooms and changed into white scrubs for the day. With a sigh I retrieved the stethoscope and the pentorch and stuffed them into the side pocket of my pants. I would be at the wards this week, no surgeries. Which was normally fine, as I always preferred working with patients while they were awake, enjoyed the process of seeing a sick person come to the wards and get better because we took care of them. One bag of fluids, one readjustment to medication, perhaps a minor procedure, and suddenly they got better. It gave me purpose in life. But my current reluctance rose from the limited possibilities that a small town hospital has to offer in order for me to do that. Small town, few people, not a lot to do at wards. Mostly older patients that came and went at regular intervals. Didn't require much thinking and problem solving on my part.

When I sat in front of the computer and pulled up charts for the patients lying in the ward today to read up on their lab results from this morning and updates from the previous night, I sensed a lot of activity in the corridor outside. More than usual. The nurses were making quick trips up and down the corridor and whispering to each other, some giggling. I rolled my eyes and went back to the charts. A patient probably sent over a box of thank-you-mini-muffins again. The level of excitement that a box of baked goods was able to generate at this ward was quite scary to be honest.

Scrolling down the list of patients, I noticed there was a 27 year old male patient in room 8. Hmm…I had never seen that name before. Probably not one of the locals since I didn't recognize the last name either. Came in with acute abdominal pains through the ER, increased inflammatory markers in the blood, CT showed a clear case of appendicitis. They operated on him overnight to avoid perforation and it went well. He needed to be monitored for a few days. Great, monitor. Lots to do there. This week was going to be long.

'Dr Swan, is it ok if I give Edward some apple juice to drink? It's what he usually drinks in the morning and he is really craving it', Anna came into the doctor's station almost breathless from running down the corridor. I was looking at the computer screen with my chin resting on my left palm and my right hand on the mouse.

'Who's Edward?' I half turned my head to look at her and frowned trying to make sense of her words.

'Edward Cullen!' her tone was incredulous.

'Oh, the patient in room 8. Wait, apple juice? Anna, you know very well that he isn't supposed to be eating or drinking anything until he has had his post-op evaluation by a surgeon', I said in an annoyed tone.

'But he is doing fine!', she said with a whine in her voice that I had never heard her use. 'And I told him that he should wait until the doctor sees him, but he asked me very nicely if it would be possible to look away from the regulations just this once. He is parched and really wants something to drink other than ice chips', she pleaded.

I had a feeling something was seriously wrong with one of our best nurses today. Maybe she was having an off day or something. 'He has an IV going. He is not dehydrated. Anna, can we just start pre-rounds ', I was getting increasingly irritated.

'Ok, I will get the rest of the nurses and page the interns and Dr. Brown', she mumbled and left.

I thought I had seen enough weird behavior from my co-workers for the day but boy was I in for a ride. Pre-rounds were a disaster. Every single person other than our senior resident Dr. Brown and I was distracted. The nurses kept glancing out the corridor and mumbled their reports, the interns half-missed the questions directed at them.

Finally when the energy simmering beyond the surface in the room was going to overflow, Dr Brown gave out a defeated laugh, 'Dr Swan, one more thing for you to experience in this tiny little town of ours. I guess we are not very used to having a celebrity lying in one of our beds and are obviously having some difficulties staying professional.' At this he turned his head pointedly towards the nurses. ' But as cute as that boy lying in room 8 is, and regardless of how much money he and his father posses, can we please go back to acting as health-care professionals and not star struck teenagers?'

All their faces displayed an expression that rivaled that of being caught with your hand in a cookie jar. Some of them cleared their throats, while others concentrated on the papers on their laps.

'Celebrity? Who?' I asked confused. The patient in room 8 was a celebrity?

'Oh my dear, I see you don't keep up with the MTV generation any more than I do. Dr Swan, you really need to poke your head out of the OR some time. There's more to life than medicine you know.' Dr Brown teased me in the fatherly way I had come to admire.

'Mr. Cullen is a celebrity?' I rechecked the chart to look at the name and voiced my question. Then I turned my head towards the interns who might be able to enlighten me without being tempted to tease.

'He is the son of Carlise Cullen, of Cullen Inc. He works with his father part time, but also plays music and has released an album last year' I was enlightened.

I had heard of Cullen Inc. They mentioned it in the context of economy and finances parts of the news at times. I also had a vague image from a magazine of Carlisle Cullen sipping coffee and smiling at the camera sitting next to the president. What I seemed to have missed was that there was a son.

'Great, now that we are up to speed with the social standings of our patients, let's go see them then' Dr Brown led us out of the room for morning rounds.

I groaned inside while walking down the corridor. Great, a spoilt rich brat whose dad sipped coffee with the president while his son recorded music albums and requested apple juice, breaking regulations. This week was getting gloomier by the minute.


	3. Chapter 3: Edward and the desert

Rounds went fast in rooms 1 through 7. There weren't really any complicated cases and the nurses and interns were almost hopping on their feet to get done each time. I could only guess why they were trying to rush things. I rolled my eyes internally, and I think a bit externally too.

As soon as we came to the end of the corridor and started filing into the room that everyone wanted to get to, my pager went off. I slowed down to let everyone go in ahead of me and pulled it out from the holder. I walked into the room with slow steps while checking it and happened to push the button on the side instead of on top and turned it off instead. Great! I kept fumbling with it and tried to get it to turn back on, while I heard one of the interns start to ramble out the case of the patient in question. The damn pager took god knows how long to come back to life and I finally started to read the page.

'Um, so how _do_ you feel today Mr. Cullen?', I heard Dr Brown ask the patient for the second time, his tone a little uneasy from not getting an answer at the first try. There was pin drop silence in the room.

My page finally came across the screen and I saw it was from the IT section. Not an emergency in any case, so whatever it was could wait until end of rounds. I tucked the pager back into the holder and realized at the same moment that there was still silence in the room.

For the first time since entering the room I turned my head up from my hands and looked ahead of me. Right in front of me was the younger intern, Sarah, giving me a curious look. I looked around the faces of everyone else and they all had their eyes on me in the same curious way.

'What?' I asked and started looking around to find an answer somewhere. And I found it.

A pair of green eyes fixed on me. Looking at me, through me, beyond me. It felt like someone had just turned on the lights in the world for the first time ever. I lost my breath and my voice… And then I blinked.

And it was over. Just like that. The daze that I had found myself in for two seconds. I came back to myself and was now confused about what had just happened. I looked again now and reassessed the situation.

The man sitting upright on the bed was staring at me. His eyes were fixed like in a trance, probably like I had been for the two dreaded seconds. He looked pained and thirsty. Like he needed water.

He hadn't answered Dr Brown because he was staring at me. And that led everyone else to stare at me. Apparently _I_ was the hold up.

'Good morning Mr. Cullen. I am Dr Swan. Are you feeling better today?' The words rolled out of me effortlessly from years of practice. Anything to normalize the situation.

No reply. Just the piercing green eyes that I was now consciously avoiding looking at directly. I looked at Dr Brown and offered, 'Perhaps we could come back later to check on Mr. Cullen when he is feeling a bit more at ease. Sarah can do a primary assessment for now'. Dr Brown gave me a sympathetic look, understanding my need to be taken out of the centre of attention at that moment. 'That sounds like a fine idea. Sarah, why don't you examine Mr. Cullen's abdomen for tenderness and Dr. Swan and I will continue rounds.'

We finished rounds and made our way back to the doctors' station. I gave the nurses and interns ordinations for each patient and Dr Brown nodded along. They fell away one by one, running off in different directions to do what they were told and Dr Brown and I kept walking.

'Do you and Mr. Cullen know each other from before Dr Swan?' he ventured carefully.

'No', I blushed. _I blushed_! What on earth.

Dr Brown, as astute as ever, didn't miss this unprecedented reaction from me. His brows knitted together briefly, thoughtfully. Then, thankfully, he decided to let it go.

'I will be at surgery for the rest of the day, do you think you can handle the _ward_ on your own for the rest of the day?', he said with a mischievous smile threatening to break through on his face. Apparently he hadn't let it go.

I felt furious. That little spoilt brat in there was throwing me looks and now I was blushing like the rest of the pathetic females around here and breaking every bit of professionalism and destroying the good reputation I had built for myself here. Dr Brown, my mentor, who was teaching me so much, in whose eyes I could see admiration for the professional way I handled myself while never lacking empathy for my patients, was finding me amusing because of my girlish behavior. Yup, I was furious.

'Of course Dr Brown. I have things under control. Enjoy your day in surgery', I said with every bit of professionalism in me and walked into the doctors' station to resume my work and dignity, if I had had any left. I would never let some boy do this to me and risk destroying everything I had built for myself. I wasn't just some stupid dreamy eyed girl waiting for prince charming. I was Dr Isabella Swan, soon to finish her residency and venture into the world of general surgery with not a care in the world.


	4. Chapter 4: Bella, Edward and the moon

SPOV

'May I examine your abdomen now Mr. Cullen?'

'Hm…?' He replied.

His eyes were still fixed on the door through which Dr Swan had left. I felt for the poor guy as I recognized his admiration for my supervisor, as I had witnessed in so many of her patients before, albeit never to such a degree. Although she seemed to be completely oblivious to it, there was something about her that pulled people towards her. There was so much kindness that she gave off, with a lot of pride in the woman she was, without a shard of arrogance about the surgeon she was. And all of it all the more admirable since she seemed so unaware of the effect she had on others. I had never met a better balanced human being.

'You know, if I were you I wouldn't feel too bad about it. She does that almost on a daily basis' I leaned to him and whispered the words in a conspiratory tone. It seemed to break him off of his trance and turn his eyes to me quizzically.

'Dazzle people. She does that almost every day. To be honest though, this is the first time in two years I witnessed someone do it back to her' I giggled. His eyes went wide.

'Do you think she is mad at me?' he asked with a tone that made it sound like he had known her for years. Did he?

'No, I don't …think so' I replied hesitantly.

'Hello again', Dr Swan's voice came from behind me and we both turned our eyes towards her. All signs of the vulnerability in her face from before were gone. She was now wearing her usual warm but polite expression she had for patients. Well, maybe less warm and more polite than usual.

BPOV

I was back to do the post-op evaluation on Edward Cullen. Sarah was not done with her exam yet. I looked him straight in the eye.

'Mr Cullen, I need to do your post-operative evaluation now so we can decide the course of your treatment from here on ', I said with a straight tone. He gave me a blank look. I turned my attention to Sarah immediately. Moving on.

'Have you examined the abdomen yet?'

'I was just about to start. I drew blood for monitoring inflammation markers', she hurried.

'Ok, why don't you run down the vials to the lab. I will finish up here.' She got up and rushed out of the room with the vials.

I went over to the bed and placed the membrane of the stethoscope on his chest without making eye contact. I listened to his heart and lung sounds, each sounding fine. I felt over his abdomen for tenderness, which he didn't show any signs of. Good, no complications, less time at the hospital.

'Sorry about earlier.'

And just like that, for the first of many many times to come, Edward Cullen pulled me into that space in the universe where only he existed. I have never been able to pinpoint exactly what it is that he does. Perhaps his tone, when he lowered his voice like that, the hint of a tremble in his voice, the softness of his expression, something with his eyes. Like all these things were meant for me and me only. And for the first of many many times to come, I snapped myself out of it.

'About what?' I challenged.

'I made you uncomfortable' he still had that voice.

'No Mr. Cullen you did no such thing. Besides, you shouldn't be worrying about anyone but yourself right now. You need to get better. I noticed your heart rate is still a bit fast and your breathing is a bit shallow. The anesthesia could still be affecting you.' Get better so you can go back to where you came from, I added mentally.

'Edward', he said with a little more distanced tone that put me a bit more at ease.

'Hmm?', how was that a reply to what I had said.

'My name, it's Edward. Mr. Cullen makes me feel like my dad should walk into the room any moment now' his tone was getting lighter by the word, to my great relief.

'Oh I see. Well, you seem to be recovering quite well. You can start eating and drinking carefully, the nurse will come in with your tray soon. Sarah will come back in the afternoon to check on you.' His brows knitted together slightly, in what I assumed was his realization that I hadn't met his request of calling him by his name.

I moved from his side and left the room before he could say anything else.

I spent the rest of the day trying to not think about my moment of embarrassment during rounds. It kept coming back to me in flashes though. In between work, during conversation with colleagues, during lunch. It was something in myself I didn't recognize and it freaked me out a little.

By the end of the work day I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was go home. That's when I got a call from John, who had the night shift, saying his son was sick and asked if I could take over. As tired as I was, sick children trumped exhausted doctors wanting to get home, so of course I said yes.

To be honest, there really wasn't much to do in the night shift. Most of the staff left, only a handful of nurses managing the floor and the patients were all settled in, watching tv or fast asleep. I was more there for backup in case something came up.

I was reading a medical journal online on the computer for a while, and my eyes started to feel wary of the glaring screen. I turned my head and looked out the window to let the darkness outside calm my eyes when I noticed that the wind was blowing in a breeze and Anna had left the window open. It had gotten quite warm after the rain clouds cleared. I walked to the window and leaned outside to breathe in the fresh air. Just as I was about to walk back to the desk to plop down for yet another round of journal surfing I noticed someone standing in the downstairs porch.

Edward Cullen had a comforter wrapped over his hospital gown and stood on the porch looking up at the full moon in the sky.

I watched him for a few minutes. So many people I met every day, so many faces I saw. What was it about this one person's existence that I felt so tied up to. Finally, I didn't even try to fight the resolve that had already built inside me and walked out of the room and down the stairs to the porch where he was standing. I stood a few steps behind him.

'You should be in bed…Edward', he didn't move an inch. After staring at his head for some time, waiting for a reply, I looked up at the moon too.

I hadn't noticed when he turned around and walked up to me.

'This is for you', he handed me a brown bag. I took it and looked inside to find a Panini filled with mozzarella and pesto, and a coke. I looked up at him looking lost.

'it's 10 pm and you haven't eaten anything since lunch. I asked Soren to get you a decent sandwich', he said in a normal, conversational tone.

'Who's Soren?' I didn't know who that was.

'My chauffeur' he said and walked over to the bench on the corner of the porch.

I stood there like an idiot with a brown bag in my hand. I couldn't figure out for the life of me a way to normalize _this_ situation. This was unknown territory. What am I supposed to do now? What am I supposed to say? My eyes went a few times between him and the bag in my hand. Then I decided I would just be honest. What did I have to lose?

'I should be concerned that you know when I ate or didn't', I hoped to throw him off with my honest admission.

He sat down on the bench and scooted over making space for me. Then he turned his attention back to the moon. 'I didn't have much else to do' he said in a matter of fact way.

Who was I kidding, I was starving. I went to sit on the bench. I pulled out the Panini and started devouring it. I hadn't realized just how hungry I was until I had actually started eating. He looked at me a couple of times but his eyes were mostly fixed up at the sky.

'You need to take better care of yourself', he looked at me with disapproval in his eyes.

I couldn't help it. I chuckled. 'You do realize the absurdity of this situation, right? You just said that to your doctor.'

He just shrugged his shoulders.

I finished the sandwich and coke and felt wonderful at the relief from hunger I didn't know I had.

'Thank you' I said from the bottom of my heart, touched at the gesture of being cared for. He looked straight ahead now and his face scrunched up in a frown at what I said.

'You don't need to thank me like that for a sandwich after you have spent an entire day taking care of a ward full of people' he said in an irritated tone. Apparently he could hear the depth of that 'thank you'.

'But that's my job. I am obligated to do so.' I said, seeing a flaw in his argument.

He went back to staring ahead. 'Can I ask why you didn't eat anything earlier? You were clearly hungry'.

'I was busy and the cafeteria closed before I had a chance to run by and get something', why was I explaining myself to him?

'How are you feeling?' I tried to venture back to safe waters.

'Fine', he shrugged.

'Are you in any kind of pain?'

'Nno..' his frowned. I didn't buy it.

'Edward?' his face snapped towards me and our eyes locked. There it was again. I sighed as I felt it consuming me and reaching a little deeper this time.

'It's painful to sit here' he voice sounded strained. My brain snapped back into place.

'Oh of course. You should be in bed. Your stitches probably feel strained from sitting like this. Let's go', I started to get up.

'That's not what I meant' he rushed the words out. Now I was confused.

'What do you mean then?'

He sighed. 'I cannot tell you yet.' This conversation was getting more cryptic by the minute.

'When can you tell me then?' my voice was stronger now. I was annoyed.

He looked up at me and did that thing for the second time today where he made me forget everything else in the world. 'Soon, I hope' his voice as so low it almost sounded like a whisper.

'Have I met you before?' I blurted out without thinking.

'Why do you ask that?' his eyes were wide.

'Because it doesn't feel like this is the first time we are meeting.' That was an absolute truth.

'I know exactly what you mean. I have been wondering about that too.' His voice was back to that familiar tone.

He knew? So he could feel it too? This weird thing between us? Is that why he was acting the way he was…because he gave in to the feeling more than I did.

At that moment my pager went off and it was from the ER. I turned to him and looked him straight in the eye.

'I need you to promise me that you will go straight to bed and sleep for the rest of the night' I had to make sure I wasn't neglecting my duties as his doctor.

'I promise' he whispered.

At that I got up and ran away from him.


	5. Chapter 5: Edward and the readhead

I slept all the way until noon the next day. When I came home after the night shift, I was exhausted beyond words and plopped down on the bed without even taking off my shoes. I woke with a start and realized the sun was already high up in the sky and panicked thinking I might be late to get to work. However it was 12.15 and my shift started at 2, so I still had some time.

The nice thing about doing part of my residency in a small town like this, besides the warm people and the quietness, was that I didn't have to commute for 45 minutes every day to get to work. Instead of sitting in the subway for almost an hour, I walked through a quiet road by the forest for 10 minutes to get to work. And I loved that fact beyond words.

I went around performing my morning routine and got myself a big brunch before settling down in front of my laptop. I crunched on my toast and sipped my coffee while the computer came to life. My patience was running out and I tapped my free fingers on the table, to somehow get the stupid thing to go faster. I was a girl on a mission. Once I got out on the web, I googled Edward Cullen.

I let out a big sigh when I saw the number of hits. Good thing I hadn't done this earlier. It might otherwise have been difficult to keep down a sandwich I received from someone who had _that many_ websites dedicated to him.

I realized that I wasn't interested in the pages that had _biographies_ of him, with a bunch of facts about his life: his date of birth, where he grew up, food items he liked, and so on and on. To be honest, it felt like an intrusion of his privacy on my part. I realized the absurdity of the idea, since thousands of people did that every day and no doubt he was aware of that. But it just felt different for me to do it.

So I clicked on the image tab and decided to only look at pictures of him. There were thousands of them of course. Of him at various social events, movie premiers, award shows, with a bunch of celebrities that even I recognized, of his album cover. I browsed on and finally one photo caught my eye. He was standing in front of a limo door, posing for the cameras. He was wearing a suit, obviously dressed up for one of the premiers or award shows or something. He had a brilliant smile on his face and his arm was draped around the waist of a beautiful young girl who looked like she had just descended from the heavens. I read the caption of the picture which said 'Edward Cullen with his girlfriend, supermodel Sophia Grace.' I immediately clicked on the website that the picture came from and read the following article. It was dated 2 years back. Upon further reading I confirmed that they had broken up the following year and he has not confirmed being with anyone ever since. My eyes went back up to the picture and I studied the girl carefully. She had straight blond hair, an amazing body, her golden dress clinging perfectly to her curves. Every single thing about her was graceful, beautiful. I immediately closed the browser and closed the laptop. Then I turned sideways to look at the ceiling to floor mirror that was mounted on the wall in my living room.

I studied the girl sitting on the chair in front of her computer. With one of her feet on the chair, chin resting on that knee, the other dangling on the floor. She had thick wavy brown hair that was still messy from the night and was wearing a pair of olive green sweats. Not totally ugly, but not beautiful, definitely not graceful, the opposite of everything about that girl from the picture.

This was ridiculous. I had reduced myself to comparing myself to a supermodel and drowning in self pity in the process. I closed my eyes and hoped with everything in my being that Edward Cullen would get better soon and leave.

The images of Edward Cullen's life from his pictures kept flashing in front of my eyes as I walked to the hospital. Of course none of that had occurred to me in the past few days since I had only seen him wearing the hospital gown, not his designer clothes, surrounded by drooling nurses and not his usual gang of celebrity friends. And last night, standing on the porch under the moon, there wasn't a hint of that life from the pictures in his voice. But now his real self that was hiding behind his 'patient' alter ego was clear in my eyes. Now, despite of this weird _thing _I have been feeling since I first met him yesterday morning, I was very aware of the real Edward Cullen and the literal difference of worlds between us when I started my shift for the day.

I sat down in the doctors' station and checked on the patients' charts for the reports from the day. One by one I went through all the labs, changed ordinations, wrote referrals and reports, filled in forms. I took reports from the nurses and made a list of the things that needed to be done with each patient and then started going around the ward to check on the patients. I went to all of them except room 8, leaving that till the end. When I was finally done with everyone else, had put in every central line, redressed all the old wounds, sutured all the new ones, I was out of things to do except that one. So I took a deep breath and went into his room.

His bed was empty. I looked around the room and peeked at the bathroom door which was ajar. I turned around and went to the nurses' station.

'Good afternoon Dr Swan' Jenny said in a cheerful voice.

'Hi Jenny. I was checking on the patients but can't find the patient in room 8', I kept my voice steady.

'Oh, he was feeling much better today. Dr Brown told him during morning rounds that he could walk around a bit more if he wanted. He's probably around the premises somewhere. Do you want me to go find him for you Dr Swan?' she offered.

'No that's alright. I was going to make a run to the cafeteria anyways. I'll see if I locate him on my way. Otherwise I will send you on the hunt. Thanks Jenny', I smiled warmly at her.

'No problem Dr Swan', she went to answer the phone that was now ringing.

Where had that guy taken off to now? Not that I wasn't a little anxious to see him, but I actually needed to check on him to make sure his sutures were still fine and I needed to make a record of my observation.

I went out of the surgical ward and starting walking down to the entrance level. There weren't many places for a celebrity type person to hide in a small hospital such as this one. Especially from me, who knew this place inside out after two years of working here. I went down to the cafeteria, but there was no sign of him. I walked around some more corridors checking left and right for him, but no sign. When I had walked to the other end of the hospital and was going to open the door that led to the yard at the back, I heard music flowing in from the west wing. Firstly, it was odd because the only days when music played in the hospital was on Sundays when a local housewife Mrs. Kent came to play for the patients. Secondly, it was odd because Mrs. Kent played very basic tunes.

As I pushed the doors and stepped into the brightly colored reception of the pediatrics wing, the music that was now much louder and clearer was nothing like what Mrs. Kent played. It was as if there was a whole orchestra playing at the same time and there were so many layers to the sounds that I could literally lose myself in them.

I proceeded to the children's play room in the ward, which was quite elaborate thanks to the generous donation made by one of the well off local families. A group of people were gathered at the entrance to the room, parents to some of the sick children, nurses and other members of the staff. I came up behind the group and peered inside to locate the source of the music.

Edward Cullen was sitting by the piano with his brows knitted in concentration, his fingers dancing on the keys, producing the most intricate melody I had ever heard. On the floor next to him, with their backs towards me, was a group of children wearing hospital gowns, each of their heads fixed in his direction, each of them as mesmerized as the adults in the room.

One of the little girls, around 5 or 6, slowly got up with a rag doll in her arms, long red hair flowing behind her, and walked up to him. She squeezed herself in the space between the piano and the bench he was sitting on, and when she was standing right beside him, she bent down and kissed his forearm, the muscles on which were clenching and unclenching with the effort.

At this his brows relaxed, he opened his eyes and turned his head towards her, all the while the music continuing to play in all its perfection. He gave her a smile and a wink, and the music switched to a more happy and upbeat melody. The mood of all the children shifted as they recognized the tune to a well known nursery rhyme. One of the nurses went forward and sat on the floor by the children and started singing the rhyme, gesturing her hands towards the children, trying to get them to join her. One by one each of them joined in and Edward added more layers to the melody to make it even more lively. They went through the whole song and then Edward started playing the same melody at a faster tempo. The children got all the more excited and were now singing louder. After a while they were up on their feet, squealing out the song, Edward looking at them frequently and spiking up the music to edge them on. By the end of the song, the children were hopping and dancing and screaming the song, while all the adults in the room were close to tears with their laughter.

After the song ended, the room broke into applause and Edward's face broke into a wide grin of gratitude. The red haired little girl now went back to him and he picked her up and sat her on the bench. She looked up at him and asked him something, to which he nodded his head whispered something to her. She giggled and proceeded to what I assume was introducing him to her doll. The adults had by now all scattered off and the nurses were filing the children out of the room to get them back to their beds. One of the nurses went to the red haired girl and took her hand to lead her back to her room. She came without struggle but when she was almost at the doorway she looked back at him.

'Bye Edward,' she waved as she said this in a sad tone.

At this his head snapped up from his hands and his lips turned up in a crooked grin that took both the girl's and my breath away, and blew her a kiss.

By now the girl was almost passing by where I was standing in the doorway, and before his hand had come down from his lips his eyes followed up from her head to my face.

His eyes went wide with shock as he saw me standing there and his hand snapped back to his lap. His reaction, however, was not my current priority. I was trying, very very hard, to go back to that place where Edward Cullen and I were worlds different. But as I looked at him sitting by the piano of the Children's wing, his expression now getting more uncomfortable under my stare, I could find no traces of that man from the pictures, who was as unreachable to me as the moon had been last night.

'Um…I thought the children might like to do something other than glare at tv screens, so I thought I'd play for them', he said with a nervous voice. I kept looking at him.

'I thought I might distract them for a little while', he continued.

'I think you did a little more than just distract them', the tenderness in my voice surprised even me. At this his face relaxed and he got up from the bench and walked to stand a few feet away from me.

'Were you looking for me?', his voice sounded hopeful.

'Yes. I need to check your stitches.' His face lit up at the first part of my response, then returned to its earlier state.

'C'mon. Let's get you back to bed', I turned around without waiting for his reply and he followed me out the door and back towards the surgical wing.


	6. Chapter 6: Bella and goodbyes

'You can be discharged now if you wish Mr. Cullen. Your blood tests look good and you are fully mobile. You can go to a local hospital in your city and get the stitches taken out in about a week. As long as you refrain from heavy lifting for a couple of weeks, you should be fine as a horse', Dr Brown informed during morning rounds.

My eyes snapped to Edward Cullen's and found his doing the same. This I didn't see coming. Well, a patient with laparoscopic appendectomy being released a few days after the surgery, that was expected. The incisions are so small that the patients recover almost immediately after. What I didn't see coming was the prospect of Edward Cullen disappearing as fast as he had come. Even though I had wished for it repeatedly ever since he came. I however didn't get too long to be lost in my thoughts.

'Dr Swan will come by with your papers and discharge you afterwards', Dr Brown was now looking at me.

'Yes, of course. I will come by after rounds', I informed Edward. At this, his expression, which looked like he was about to jump out of the bed any moment now, relaxed a little and he nodded his head towards me.

After getting out of the Children's wing yesterday, we had not said a word to each other on the walk back to the surgical ward or while I looked at his stitches. Then I had spent the rest of the evening keeping distance, trying to get my head cleared up. I had quietly checked on him before leaving work and he was lying in his bed with his back towards the door.

After we were done with rounds, I busied myself in drawing out the papers to discharge him, to distract myself from the storm that had now risen inside me. _I didn't want him to go_. In my head, I was trying to find valid medical reasons that would keep him here just a bit more without raising my co-workers' suspicion towards me. I tried in vain to find something in his papers that could be remotely abnormal. Perhaps a blood test that looked odd, a weird spot on the CT plates. I wondered if I was breaking the Hippocratic Oath, trying to find fault in my healthy patient. But I'm not doing it to harm him, I reasoned. Just so I can keep him here for a little bit more.

As I was losing more and more grip on reality and making my way over to the dark side, my pager went off and I got called to surgery. There was a trauma coming in and I had to immediately rush off to prep the OR. Dr Brown came into the doctor's station right away.

'You go take the surgery Dr Swan. I will take care of the ward. Are those Mr. Cullen's discharge papers?', he gestured to the papers in my hands and I looked up at him like a lost puppy. He raised his eyebrows and at that scrutinizing gesture from my mentor, I snapped back to reality. I got my priorities straightened and realized I was acting like a teenager.

'Yes Dr Brown, here are the papers. They are ready.' I handed them over to him.

When I came out into the corridor I saw a man twice my size, wearing a very expensive looking suit, carrying the bag of belongings that I had earlier seen in Edward Cullen's room. He smiled when he saw me, then proceeded to walk out of the corridor with what I assumed would be the last glimpse I would have of anything belonging so closely to Edward Cullen.

'Goodbye', I whispered under my breath and rushed off to scrub in.


	7. Chapter 7: Nothing normal about us

_Chapter song: __**Wild Horses**__ by Rolling Stones_

After the last couple of days of emotional turmoil and today's unexpected day at trauma surgery, I was exhausted to say the least. I hadn't had time for lunch, so the combination of low blood sugar and exhaustion was threatening to floor me right here in the locker room any moment now. I looked through my locker to see if I could find a power bar somewhere, but no such luck. I proceeded to try to change out of my scrubs and head home to throw myself in my bed.

I sighed as I thought back to this morning and the last couple of days. Although there was a palpable ache in my chest that had been growing a little more in size through the day, some part of me was relieved. Ever since that moment the first morning when I had met his gaze, I had experienced a part of my own psyche that I never knew existed. Of all the guys I had met in my life, no one, _no one_ had ever gotten to me that way, even after some of them had dated me for years. And this guy had this effect on me without even using a word.

What freaked me out most of all was that it wasn't because of who he was. Not Edward Cullen the son of Carlisle Cullen, not Edward Cullen the socialite, it was who he was in spite of being that guy. The guy whose eyes had pierced through my soul, who had stood under the moon and known when I was hungry, who had played a mesmerizing tune for the children sitting around him. However, as exciting as the prospect was, it was terrifying to let one person have that much power over me. It just wasn't healthy. And so I sighed in bittersweet relief as I longed to put an end to this day and to the story of Edward Cullen. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow after a good night's sleep and after having shed the overload of emotions and exhaustion from the day, I will laugh at all this craziness.

With that thought I shut the door to the locker with a loud bang and picked up my stuff. When I came out of the locker room Jenny was making her way out of the washroom right outside.

'Long day, Dr Swan?', Jenny asked in her friendly voice.

'Yeah. That obvious huh?', I gave her a tired chuckle.

'Well…to be honest you do look a little beaten down', she said with an apologetic tone. 'Hey, I was going to go out with the girls from the ward. Do you want to join us? Maybe it'll take your mind off of all this hospital stuff and you can relax a little before heading home?', she offered.

I had gone out with the staff on a couple of occasions and they were a harmful bunch of girls really. And I actually had a nice time. But as much as I would have liked the distraction, I really was exhausted. We had by now reached the main entrance and I stopped on the top landing of the stairs before we started to take them down to the parking lot. I turned towards her.

'Thanks Jenny. It is very kind of you to think of me. But I really am as exhausted as I look. I think crashing in early is what I need tonight. But I would love to come with you girls next time if that's ok', I tried to sound as grateful as I felt at her thoughtfulness. But Jenny wouldn't look at me. She was looking straight ahead to the parking lot with a peculiar smile on her face. Confused, I followed her gaze and my mouth dropped to the floor.

There was a black limo blocking the entire main entrance just under the stairs we were standing on top of. Not one of those really long ones, but just long enough so it stood apart from other cars. And beside it, looking straight at us was Edward Cullen with his hands in his pockets.

Jenny made a hasty retreat as she mumbled a quick goodbye and a pointed good luck to me. He smiled at her politely as she walked by him and then looked up at me.

I stood on top of the staircase and refused to move an inch. I weighed all my options. I could turn back and go into the hospital but the man standing down there didn't look like he would just go away if I did that. And more importantly, I didn't _want _to turn around either. All the reasoning I had done with myself five minutes ago in front of the lockers went right out the window at the sight in front of me. So I went down to him.

'Hi', he said when I had two more steps left to take. I realized for the first time just how much taller he was compared to me. We were now almost at the same height. I didn't want to speak yet.

'I thought you might like a ride home', he offered and shifted his weight from one foot to another.

'I usually walk home.'

'Then I will walk with you.' The determination in his voice caught me off guard. I blinked once, then just started to walk.

After I had walked a few steps I realized I was walking alone so I turned around to see where he was. He was frozen at the spot looking at me. He hadn't taken a step yet. I stopped walking and remained half turned towards him. Apparently that was the invitation he was waiting for because now he started walking towards me. I turned around and resumed walking towards the main road.

'What are you doing here Edward?', I decided to cut to the chase.

'I'm walking you home,' he said with his eyes fixed on the ground. I glared at him.

'You never came to discharge me,' he stopped walking abruptly, turned his eyes up and said in an accusatory tone.

'I was called to surgery,' I replied.

'I know.' He kept looking at me. I had to turn my head to get away from the intensity of his gaze. That's when I saw that the limo was keeping a safe distance from us, but was now on the main road too.

'Why is that damn car following us?' I asked in an irritated tone.

'It's my car. I need it to get back after I drop you home. Why? Does it bother you?' he sounded confused.

'Like it isn't enough that I am walking on the road with Edward Cullen, there is a limo a few feet behind me to draw _further_ attention,' I started walking again. Well, maybe a little bit stomping.

'Well you could always just sit _in_ the car and no one would spot you with either Edward Cullen or the car,' his voice sounded amused.

'I don't see why I can't have the third option where I walk home by myself,' I shot at him.

The amused expression from his face disappeared in a second and was replaced by hurt. My heart clenched at the sight that I had caused and I quickly walked up to him.

'I'm sorry. That was rude. I don't really mean that, truly. I'm just confused and I am taking it out on you' I hoped he could hear how terrible I felt. His face relaxed a little and he studied my face carefully. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it.

'So…am I forgiven then?' I asked, frowning my forehead. His eyes got a glint in them.

'Well that depends. Just how much do you want to be forgiven?' His mouth was threatening to break into a smile. I just glared at him.

'Let me buy you dinner and we will call it even,' he flashed me the crooked grin that he had given the red-haired girl yesterday.

'We are not allowed to date patients, Edward,' I said in a serious tone. At this he rolled his eyes.

'First of all Dr Swan, I am no longer your patient. And who said anything about a date? I know for a fact that you haven't eaten anything all day. I am just trying to feed you to save myself the trouble of having to carry you home in case you collapse on the road. You did tell me I wasn't allowed to lift weights any time soon, remember?' he dared to try and look innocent. I obviously didn't have a way with the words like he did and had little chance of coming up with a convoluted argument to match his, so I just turned and kept walking. He also resumed walking beside me.

'Maybe it would be easier to not think of you as a patient if you stopped calling me Dr Swan,' I mumbled. He looked pleased.

'Isabella, right? Actually you know what, we were never really introduced properly,' at this he stopped and offered his hand to me. 'I'm Edward, and you are Isabella?'

'Just Bella,' I couldn't help but smile and offer him my hand.

'Bella,' his grin was threatening to break his face in half. I awkwardly pulled my hand from his grasp and started walking. We had reached my house by now.

'This is me,' I informed him. He looked towards the house with a curious look and then back at me. Then he smiled.

'You probably want to get changed before we go. I will wait, take your time,' he offered.

'And you can't just forgive me the way normal people do?' I tried.

'Haven't you realized it yet? There is nothing normal about you and I, Bella,' he had that crooked grin again. I sighed at the realization that I didn't stand a chance against that smile.

'Where are we going?', I accepted defeat.

'Wherever you want. You must have a favorite place to eat?' He offered. I didn't really care where we went. But the last thing I needed was the population of Forks to spot me with Edward Cullen and be the topic of discussion in their otherwise uneventful lives for weeks to come.

'Um…could we go to Port Angeles?'

'Sure. That's one of the towns around here right?'

I nodded.

'Give me fifteen minutes. I'll be right back.' With that I went into the house to get ready for my non-date with Edward Cullen.


	8. Chapter 8: Let the souls wander

_Chapter song: __**The Moon**__ by Glen Hansard_

When I came back out of the house, he was leaning against the car, with his legs and arms crossed, looking down at his feet. He stood up straighter and smiled when he saw me close the door behind myself. Suddenly, I was filled with anticipation for the evening ahead of me and I smiled back as I realized that at this moment, I felt happy.

As I started approaching him the front door of the car opened and the man in the suit, who I had seen in the corridor in the hospital that morning, came out and smiled at me.

'Good evening miss,' his voice was gentle.

'Soren, I presume?' I said, while eyeing Edward meaningfully, who chuckled. Soren's eyes went wide and he looked at Edward for clarification.

'It's Bella. I would be the reason Edward had you running around town looking for food the other night, although there is perfectly good food to buy at the cafeteria. Thank you for the trouble Soren. The sandwich was delicious. You have very good choice in food,' I offered with a smile. Edward suppressed a grin and Soren looked a little taken aback.

'Oh, it's my pleasure miss Bella. I am glad you liked it,' he said with a nod of his head. I figured I would have to win the battle of getting him to stop calling me 'miss' another day, and turned to Edward.

'I'm starving.'

Without a word he held open the passenger door at the back and I jumped inside. He closed the door gently and went around to get in through the other door. The inside of the limo was as expected. Expensive looking.

He got inside and took the seat perpendicular to mine. Then he reached behind him and pulled out a brown bag. I didn't have to guess to know what was inside.

'You are kidding me, right?' my voice was incredulous.

'Bella, you just admitted yourself that you were starving and it will be a little while until we get to Port Angeles,' he looked stern. 'Besides, you seemed to enjoy this the other night.'

'Why is it that I am always the one that's eating around you? Don't you ever eat?' I sounded a bit petulant.

'I just had abdominal surgery, remember? I'm running a little low on appetite lately', he seemed to enjoy teasing me. Then I realized how rudely I had been acting until now.

'Oh I'm so sorry, I can't believe I haven't asked you this until now. How are you feeling?' I felt awful at being so engrossed in him that I forgot to ask about his condition. He rolled his eyes at me again.

'Bella, you released me from the hospital for a reason. I am just fine.' At this he poked at his stomach. 'See?'

I couldn't help it. I laughed. Then I took a bite of the sandwich and sat back.

It was an hour or so before we were sitting at the restaurant.

'You know, you could be a bit nicer,' I said with disapproval. His eyes went wide.

'In what way?' he was lost.

'The waitress. She just gave us the best table in the place, then tried relentlessly to flirt and get your attention. You didn't so much as throw her a glance.'

'Of course I did!' he sounded indignant. I raised my eyebrows.

'What was she wearing?' I challenged.

'….an apron.' At this I rolled my eyes and looked around the restaurant. We were quite early so the dinner crowd wasn't in yet. It was an open terrace Italian place, overlooking the sea. Not too fancily decorated, but with a lot of character. There were criss-crossing rows of round orange lanterns that hung from strings, from one end of the terrace to the other. The waitress, who had quite obviously recognized the man sitting in front of me, had given us a table at the far end of the terrace, closest to the sea. The sun had just set and the pink and orange of the afternoon was just beginning to disappear. They were playing a song about the moon on the stereo that I had never heard before.

I turned my attention to Edward. He looked a bit nervous, but there was an air of serenity around him since we had gotten into his car, that he still held on to. At regular intervals, he would get this look in his eyes, the corners would squint just a little, and I was pretty sure he was trying to figure out what I was thinking.

I leaned back into my chair and looked out at the sea this time, which was stretching out on my left side, while I finally let myself think about how handsome the man sitting in front of me was. It's not that I hadn't noticed his heartbreakingly good looks earlier, which were truthfully hard to miss even though he had just had surgery and was in hospital gowns, but there was so much intensity between us in all the previous meetings that it seemed irrelevant to think consciously about it. But now, sitting here across from each other, we had suddenly been set free from constraints of situations surrounding us, and things kind of slowed down.

'Why did you come to the hospital in Forks? You don't live there…' I trailed off. He seemed relieved that I had broken the silence.

'I was heading to Seattle to see a friend. My pains started on the ride and I asked Soren to take me to the nearest hospital. We happened to be passing by Forks at the time,' he explained. Something inside me ached at the thought of Edward sitting alone at the back of his car, writhing in pain.

'Why hasn't anyone been to visit you?' I had been wanting to ask him that for a while. It seemed strange that he hadn't had any visitors at all. I wanted to know that there were people that cared for him.

'I haven't told anyone…well there's really just my Dad to tell. He is in Japan on business this week and I didn't want to worry him,' he said with a shrug of his shoulders. I nodded my head and was quiet for a few seconds while I processed that.

'So it's just you and your Dad then?'

'Yes'. We were again quiet for a few moments while I thought of the next thing to ask him about.

'The piano, you play it very well. Not that I am an expert or anything, but it sounded beautiful. And your audience seemed to agree with me,' my tone was a little teasing at the end, thinking of his red-haired little friend. 'Do you play often?' I wanted to get him to talk more about himself.

He got a little flustered and mused for a few moments about what he was going to say next.

'No, I don't.' So much for my efforts.

'But you are a musician?' I tried again.

'I play other instruments,' he shrugged. I realized that was all I was going to get out of him so started playing with the napkin on the table. When I looked back up at him his face was contorted in a frown.

'My mother taught me to play the piano. Yesterday was the first time I played since she passed away 16 years ago,' he tried and then failed to keep his voice steady. I realized now why he had looked so pained when I first saw him playing at the children's wing. Then the affection of the little girl seemed to have eased his pain somehow and his mood had switched.

'What made you play yesterday?' my voice sounded just as pained as his to me.

At this he looked up at me and kept looking. I wasn't ready to understand whatever his eyes were saying, so I just looked away again. After a few moments of staring at my turned face he seemed to give up and leaned back on his chair.

'So, is it my turn to ask questions yet?' My head snapped towards him in panic. Shoot, what did he want to know?

'Um…ok?' I didn't like being the one under the microscope.

'How long have you lived in Forks?' Well, that was an easy one.

'Two years.'

'And this is your final year of residency?' I nodded.

'Where were you originally doing your residency then?' his brows pulled together slightly, like this was very important information.

'In Seattle.' At this he raised one of his eyebrows and sighed. I realized I was making this difficult for him. If he could tell me about his mother, the least I could do was tell him in detail about my residency.

'I met Dr Brown during one of his visits at the hospital in Seattle. I was complaining about the hectic life in big cities and all the commuting I had to do, and he offered to let me finish off my last two years with him at Forks. I accepted his offer and moved down here.'

'Just like that? What about your family?' His elbows were now on the table, hands clenched together, chin resting on top of his knuckles.

'Just my parents. They're in Jacksonville.' I shrugged.

He examined my face for a few seconds, then said in a thoughtful tone, 'You haven't made any references whatsoever to me being famous.'

'Was I _supposed_ to do that?' I raised an eyebrow.

'No, of course not. It's just…well, that's usually the first thing people talk about whenever I meet someone for the first time,' he seemed uneasy.

'Well, apparently there's nothing normal about you and I,' I said in a nonchalant voice. Touché, I thought to myself.

At this he laughed. Really, laughed. And the sound was like a waterfall. Soothing, reliable, lively, full of promise.

'So, what kind of things were you expecting me to ask?' I noticed both in my voice and my body how the tension had poured out of me at the sound of his laughter.

'Hm…people usually ask personal questions that help them picture how I live, about my dad, about my famous friends and what they're like, ' he seemed much more at ease now too.

'I don't see how any of those things will help me to learn more about _you_.' I said thoughtfully.

He smiled at me and it was different. Not like earlier, when he was just very happy or was trying to get me to agree to his request. Now he seemed grateful for something.

The waitress came back with our orders now and placed two plates of pasta in front of us. She barely glanced at the spot on the table where she put down my plate and ogled him the rest of the time. His eyes still had that look from before and were fixed permanently on mine the whole time.

I looked from him to the waitress and back suggestively, pointing towards her with my brows. He seemed to be broken from some kind of trance and looked towards her to thank her, then immediately turned his eyes back to me. I shook my head and smiled and picked up the fork to spear the pasta.

After we had eaten in silence for a little while, I took a sip of my sparkling water and decided to come clean.

'Um…you know, it's not like I don't know _anything_ about those things about you…' I trailed off. He looked up from his plate and looked confused.

'I, sort of, went online to check…' I looked up to gauge his reaction and he was waiting for me to finish my sentence. 'I googled you.' I blurted out.

His face went from confusion to understanding to amusement to hesitant. He seemed uncomfortable. Of course he was, I would be too, if all _my_ life information was posted on the internet and I had no idea whether or not the person sitting across from me knew whether I preferred boxers or briefs. I decided to give him all the info.

'I didn't read anything about you…well about your life in general. I just looked at some pictures. At parties and stuff.' This seemed to put him better at ease and he nodded.

'Are you mad?' I asked, while moving around the pasta on my plate.

'No! No… of course not. No, I'm just…well that's besides the point. Bella, that information is out there for the whole world to read. Why would I be mad?' His voice sounded very sincere. But I didn't like what he had just said.

'I'm not the ''whole world'',' I mumbled.

'No you're not,' he leaned forward and his voice was smooth as velvet. I realized that I had just led him there myself. Damage control.

'I'm your doctor,' I backtracked. He looked annoyed at this.

'That's not what I meant.' His voice sounded stern.

I didn't look up at him and continued to concentrate very hard on the last remaining bits of my pasta.

'I just don't like the idea of you finding out anything about me from anywhere else. Bella, there is nothing that is written out there that I wouldn't tell you about if you just asked me.'

I kept my eyes on my plate but nodded. I knew that he was telling the truth. I could probably ask him anything and he would tell me. But it hardly seemed fair since I wasn't as willing to tell him things in return.

'Do you want to walk by the water?' I asked him.

'Sure,' he smiled and got up. I got up too and we took the stairs from the restaurant terrace that went straight down to the beach. It was now quite dark, but there were orange lanterns like up at the terrace throughout a strip of the beach that lit it up in a soft way. There were speakers down here too, letting the music flow out and mix with the waves. We walked in silence for a few minutes until we weren't right underneath the terrace of the restaurant anymore. Then Edward looked up at me and had a shy glint in his eyes.

'Will you dance with me?' I was frozen for a moment as he said this. He looked so heartbreakingly hopeful, and I tried in vain to find a little piece of myself that wanted to say no. I gave up and held out my hand to him. The CD had now played throughout and come back to the song about the moon.

What I wasn't prepared for was my reaction to his touch.

As his hand touched mine a shiver ran from the tips of my fingers to my toes. Someone had set my whole body on fire and electricity went running up and down my spine. His hand jerked back a little too at the touch, so I assumed he felt that too, and he slowly pulled me towards himself. When we were a few inches apart, he placed his other hand on my waste very lightly. And the electricity hummed between us. I had my eyes lowered and I carefully studied the pattern on his shirt to distract myself from the storm that raged all around us.

'Tell me you don't feel that,' his voice was like honey, asking, hoping, begging. I didn't respond in any way whatsoever. At this, he tightened his hand around my waist a bit more.

'Bella?' his voice was like a prayer.

At the sound of my name rolling off his tongue like that I melted. I lost all my strength and could no longer fight the pull I felt towards him and closed the gap between us. My hand that he wasn't holding went around his waist and I put my head sideways on his chest, my eyes looking out to the sea. I sighed as I listened to his heartbeat. It was not the same as the one I had heard through the stethoscope earlier. It was the source of the life that flowed through him. And I felt strangely close to it and protective of it.

He kept moving us all this time, rocking slightly from side to side, letting me get used to all of it. After a few minutes, he let out a heavy sigh and I pulled back to look up at him.

'You have been feeling it too? All this time?' I asked him. He smiled indulgently and tucked a strand of hair behind my hair.

'Yes, more than you will ever know. You have changed me irreversibly,' he squeezed my hand as he said this.

'Why didn't you say so earlier?' I placed my free hand on his chest now, letting him know that he could tell me anything.

'You weren't ready. I could see it. You felt this thing, whatever it is, just as strongly as I did, but you were fighting it the whole time. Until now, you have only had a few moments when you let yourself go and feel it.' He spoke in a quiet tone, like he was speaking to a child who was about to break down any moment now.

I took a deep breath and went back to putting my head against his chest. This time he wrapped his arms around me and just held me there.

'What is this Edward? ' my voice sounded small.

'I don't know, I have never felt anything like it before… But you know what?' he pulled me away from himself to look me in the eyes. 'It's the most amazing thing I have ever felt. The first time I saw you, it was like someone put in place the last piece of the puzzle and my life finally came into view. It was like I was always connected to you somehow and was waiting for you all this time without being aware of it. Like I finally stopped existing and came alive since that day when you walked into the room looking down at that pager. I'm finally alive Bella.'

I couldn't speak. Words escaped me because he had stolen all of them. I knew what he was saying because he was describing to me what _I_ had been feeling all this time. He had put into words the confused state of my world that I didn't have the eloquence or the insight to express, even to myself.

And standing here, wrapped up in his arms, with his eyes looking at nothing but me and mine seeing no other sight than him, I felt whole and complete.

'Edward, take me home.'

**A/N: **Cliffy..ouch..I know, I'm evil. But it's more fun this way. To those of you that have bothered to read this far, please leave a comment letting me know what you think. I see that a lot of people have read it but only a few have said anything so far. Since it's my first fic, it's difficult to know how I'm doing without some feedback. However, I will probably continue finishing the story regardless since it's consumed too much brain space already :)


	9. Chapter 9: First sights, and true love

**A/N: Big thanks to all of you that have given me some feedback. It helps A LOT to know how you guys perceive the story so I know what to focus on. Also, very motivating to write more when people actually care enough to write something down. Thanks everyone! **

Edward quietly took my hand in his and led me up the stairs back to the restaurant. Once there, he paid for our food and we made our way out. Edward held the door open and put his hand on the small of my back while I walked out. I turned back to look at him and hold his hand again. He smiled and held out his hand for me. When my own was halfway in the air, the whole entrance became bright with a flash for a second and Edward's face froze in panic as he looked over my shoulder.

I turned around to see a group of men standing in front of a car across the street from us. There were some very intimidating looking cameras in each of their hands and they started flashing those at us almost continuously now. Edward jumped to my side and put me slightly behind himself, partially hiding me from the view of the cameras across the street as he quickly pulled me towards his car. Soren met us halfway to the car and tried to shield both of us from the view of the men. The flashes kept going even after we were seated inside the car and started to take off.

Edward looked furious when we had pulled out of the restaurant driveway. He kept glancing backwards to, what I can assume, check if the other car was following us. And surely, it was.

'Soren, lose them!' Edward almost yelled.

Soren picked up the speed considerably at Edward's outburst. I turned around to see if the other car had fallen behind, but it had just imitated our move. I turned my gaze back into our car and found Edward's eyes looking at me with a crazed expression in them.

He pulled out a cellphone from his pocket and dialed a number quickly. The other person answered immediately and Edward was furious.

'I was told this location was safe! Why the _hell_ are there three of them chasing me right now?' he almost growled and I winced at the fury in his voice. So, he had someone keep track of the paparazzi following him? My god, he wasn't just a normal celebrity who on their best day just outran them, was he.

'Well then _find_ out who tipped them off,' his voice was calmer now but the threat of anger behind it was more than when he yelled. 'I'll hold,' he added. He kept his eyes fixed on me the whole time the person on the other end of the line was digging up this information for him. It didn't take longer than a few seconds.

'Who? What waitress?' he looked towards me and my eyes widened in realization. No she didn't! He also seemed to realize now what our waitress for the evening had done in return of his ignoring her all evening. He shut off the phone without saying a word.

He looked out the back window one more time, then at Soren and then finally at me, assessing the situation at hand. I wish I could say something or help somehow, but being chased by the paparazzi wasn't really something they covered in medical school. So I just looked at him expectantly, to somehow salvage the situation.

'I can't take you home,' he finally spoke to me, and the velvety smoothness of his voice directed at me struck me with its contrast to the angry growling he was doing not too long ago.

'Why not?' I panicked at the prospect of not being able to go to my own house.

'Bella, do you really want them to know where you live?' Oh, ok. That made sense, of course. The last thing I needed emerging from the house every morning on my way to work was have those cameras flashing at me.

'Then where will I go?'

'Um…to the hotel where I'm staying?' He made it sound like a question. 'It's really the best place to hide right now. If I take you to the hospital or to a friend's place there is a big risk they will find a way to retrieve your identity,' he added as an afterthought.

'Well, what exactly are they going to make of me going into the hotel with you?' I sure didn't like where that was going.

He sighed at this. Defeated, out of options. I understood where he was coming from. I couldn't really think of any other option either, unless we kept driving to Seattle or something, but I had a feeling these guys wouldn't give up on that either.

Suddenly, I had this sense of panic that I usually did when I ran out of options and didn't know what to do next. Since a very young age, I had taught myself to be as independent as possible, from my parents, from the safety of my home town, from a familiar world. But that independence also meant that when in the face of problems I had never had anyone but myself to rely on.

Except now. I looked across the seat from me at Edward's concerned expression. I thought about all the things he had said to me by the sea and thought of how I felt for him. And just like that, the panic vanished. _He was here now._

I got up from my seat and went across to sit by his side. His eyes followed mine cautiously. Once there, I placed my head on his shoulder and took his right hand between both of mine and placed it on my lap. 'I don't care where we go,' I admitted.

His body relaxed at this and he let out a sigh. Then he raised his arm higher up to pull me in closer to him and I leaned into his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and buried his nose in my hair. The exhaustion of the day finally took over and I don't even know when I drifted off to sleep while listening to his breathing come and go.

I barely woke up again when the car came to a stop and Edward was trying to scoop me up in his arms, in what I assume would be his attempt at carrying me inside.

'Edward, I am up, I can walk myself. Thank you,' he looked disappointed as soon as I started speaking and he realized I had woken up. I was so exhausted that I was only half awake and felt like I was in a dream as we made our way through the corridors of the small hotel and into his room. I noticed there were no cameras flashing when we entered the hotel, and assumed Soren had managed to outrun them enough to give us time to go inside before they arrived.

Once we were standing outside Edward's room, he opened the door and took my hand again. He tugged at my hand to pull me inside the room and I complied. Without turning on the lights in the room he led me to the bed. There was only the light from the streetlight outside the window lighting the room and it gave it a ghostly atmosphere where I could only see the shadows of him and the furniture in the room. When we reached the bed he pulled away the comforter and pushed on my shoulders, and I sat down, all the while keeping my gaze fixed on him. Then he pushed me further to get me to lie down and once I was on my back he walked over to the foot of the bed and took off my shoes one by one. Then he pulled up the comforter and covered me with it until it almost reached my shoulders. He then sat down on the little space left between me and the edge of the bed and looked down at me. I just lay there in my cocoon, not knowing what to do.

'You're exhausted. Go to sleep.' He whispered.

'I don't want to sleep,' the tiredness in my voice totally betrayed me.

He just smiled and ran his hand over my eyes, at which my eyelids shut themselves reflexively. They felt too heavy for me to open them again and I drifted off to sleep.

My eyes snapped open sometime in the middle of the night and I was disoriented for a while before the evening's memories came back to me. I quickly flicked my eyes around to find myself still lying in the bed of Edward's hotel room. There was one small lamp turned on at the work table and I turned around looking for Edward. He was standing by the window, looking out at the street, with one of his hands running through his mess of hair and the other resting on the window frame.

'How many girls do you think would give an arm and a leg to be in my situation right now?'

He turned around with a start and then relaxed at the sight of me lying with my head lying on my folded hands on my side.

'And what situation would that be?' he smiled. I smiled back.

'I don't know about anyone else, but _I_ would give a lot of things to be in this situation,' he said earnestly. I rolled my eyes internally. So much for me trying to lighten the moment somewhat.

He walked away from the window and sat on the couch across from the bed. I readjusted myself so I was lying sideways, facing him.

'I'm sorry about earlier. In my state of distraction, I forgot to talk to the restaurant manager about discretion before we started our evening. I was a complete idiot.' He looked as guilty as he sounded.

'You're not an idiot. And it's not that big of a deal,' I said instinctively to reassure him, but then something occurred to me and I was once again struck by panic. This time, at the image of my first ever appearance on national media being introduced as Edward Cullen's latest ladyfriend, instead of for a prestigious medical award at a later stage in my life, as I had secretly hoped. Once there, my brain jumped straight to the faces of my colleagues in Forks and former colleagues in Seattle, reading about my summer romance with Prince Charming on the internet.

'What is it?' Edward's face grew dark with concern at the look on my face.

'The pictures, they are going to be everywhere, aren't they?' He sat up straighter in the couch and leaned forward.

'Bella, I assure you, my publicist is going to make sure those pictures never see the light of day. Don't worry about it at all.' His voice was confident. I relaxed a little bit. He seemed to know what he was talking about.

'Is it always like this? Are they always this eager to get a picture of you?' I thought of how tiring life must be for him if that were the case.

'It goes up and down a little I guess. But they are always more interested if I'm with someone else.'

Someone else. Especially if the 'someone else' is a female member of the species.

'And how often is that?'I asked with a hint of irritation at the thought that this is a situation that he probably found himself in quite regularly.

'Is what?' He seemed lost.

'That you are with someone else,' the annoyance was now getting clearer in my voice.

He laughed. 'Are you trying to ask me about my ex-girlfriends in your own convoluted way?'

'No, I'm trying to understand how often this kind of thing happens to you,' I gestured to the space between us.

His eyes became hard.

'You are comparing _this_ to those other times?'

I continued to look at him without a word. He got up and walked towards me, kneeling down on the floor next to the bed, his head right by mine.

'I thought you understood this. You, this, all of this, it's…this is different. I told you, I have never felt this way before.' He stopped and took a deep breath before continuing.

'My life changed, I changed, since we met. I have been permanently altered, Bella.' He looked impatient now, trying to convey something to me that I couldn't really understand.

Something flashed in his eyes. 'Earlier today, you said you were confused. Will you tell me what you meant?'

I thought back to when I had said that. I had managed to push that feeling away for a while in the later part of the evening, when we were on the beach, away from the rest of the world and I didn't have to be rational at that moment. But now, lying in his room, with him kneeling beside me, and a bunch of crazy photographers waiting outside, the reality of the situation I had gotten myself into became very tangible.

'Edward, all my life, I have been a rational person, a scientist. My whole upbringing and everything in my life until the moment I met you, tells me this kind of thing isn't possible. You cannot possibly be _permanently altered_ by someone you have only known for a few days.' His face fell as I used his words in a negative way to make a point.

'But then, there is the other half of me that revealed itself only after I met you. The one that wants to believe all this to be true and embrace it. I have all these strong feelings towards you, the likes of which I have never experienced before. But I am terrified. Because I do not recognize that other side of me. I feel like I am letting a stranger take over me every time I give in to that. Edward, while my instincts tell me to believe you, my rational mind completely disagrees.' I sighed heavily as I finished explaining my state of mind, hoping it would make some kind of sense to him. He was silent for a long time before he spoke again.

'Thank you. Thank you for telling me that. Now I know that at least there is a part of you that feels the way I do. Bella, all this has happened so suddenly, I understand that you need time to adjust. We both do. But for now, this is enough for me. It's enough that a part of you exists that wants this.'

'Of course there is.' How could there not be? Have you seen _you_? I chuckled a little to myself at just how much I sounded like a high school girl at this point.

'And as for the other part, what if I make you a promise? What if I promise to try and win over the other part too? The rational one, the one that doesn't believe in true love at first sight?'

I laughed. 'And how exactly were you planning on doing that?'

'Oh, I have my ways,' and there was that deadly crooked smile again. He got back up and walked back to the couch. Then he lay down and closed his eyes, the smile still prominent on his face. I stared at his face for a few minutes, then closed my eyes too and tried to go back to sleep.

Except, I couldn't. I tried and tried and tried. But I was wide awake, because the room was humming, no it was buzzing. Edward had turned off the lamp at some point and the electricity between us had magnified in the darkness. I was aware of every rustle of the comforter that Edward had put on himself, every movement of his hands, every breath he was taking. I lay there for almost an hour trying to push the feelings aside, and finally failed.

I got up and went across the room to the couch. Once there, I leaned down and pulled the comforter away from Edward's chest. He woke up at this and looked up at me with confused eyes.

'What are you doing?' His voice was laden with sleep.

I pushed his leg that was on the edge of the couch to make more space and crawled in beside him, pulling the comforter down over both of us.

'We can go to the bed. You will be more comfortable,' he started to get up, his brows knitted together, still very confused.

'No, I want to stay here.' I pulled him back down and pushed my back against his chest. He looked at me for a few moments then put his arm around me, his hand resting on the couch in front of me.

I drifted off to sleep within a few moments and for the first time in many, many years, I did not have nightmares that night.

**A/N: As dixitIor pointed out, and I am well aware, we haven't heard much from Edward yet. His thoughts are coming soon. (btw dixitIor I can't reply to you personally for some reason, but thanks for the feedback!)  
**


	10. Chapter 10: To woo a lady

When I opened my eyes, I was still lying on the couch, with a blanket tightly tucked around me and a pillow tucked under my head. My first thought after the haze of sleep lifted and I was aware of my surroundings was how embarrassing it would be to face him like this, in my disheveled state, after I had crawled into the couch with him last night. _I crawled into the couch with him_! At the moment when I had made that decision, in the darkness of night and the intimacy that it brought, the idea hadn't sounded just as embarrassing as it did now, in bright daylight. I did not like how needy the action had made me appear. It's not like I can't recall the feelings behind the action, the growing tug that I had felt towards him until I had finally given up and just walked over to the couch. But it didn't make the fact that I gave in to the feeling any less embarrassing.

So it was with a weary mind that I opened my eyes to face Edward. Except, he wasn't there. I had obviously already realized that he wasn't on the couch any longer, but I expected him to be on the bed. He wasn't there either. So I sat up on the couch and looked around the room to locate him, but he was nowhere in sight. I then swung my legs down to the floor and started to get up, and that's when I noticed the white lily on the coffee table next to the couch. It was a single large white lily, with petals that were almost the size of my palms, with a long green stem. Around the middle of the stem, there was a piece of paper that was rolled around the stem and tied together with a string. I tugged on the end of the string and it came open, to release the paper.

_Your breakfast and I are waiting for you downstairs. Come down when you are ready. _

_- Edward_

I bit my lip and tried to stop myself from smiling too widely. Then without further delay I quickly got myself ready and went downstairs. Once I reached the tiny lobby area downstairs, the receptionist came towards me almost running.

'Mr Cullen is waiting for you in the restaurant,' she said very quickly.

'Oh, ok. Thanks,' I smiled at her.

I made my way to the hotel restaurant and once I reached there, I stood frozen in my spot for a few seconds. Edward Cullen was sitting on a table at the far away corner of the restaurant, in a white button down shirt and jeans. He was sipping a cup of coffee and reading a newspaper with a lot of concentration. He had on a pair of reading glasses, which made him look years older than his real age. But it also made him look very mature, and there was an air of authority around him. This image of him stood in stark contrast with the man lying on the hospital bed and the vulnerable man who had been with me last night. My chest tightened at the thought that he had let me see that side of him that other people weren't allowed to see.

I had been standing there for a few moments before Edward looked up. His eyes widened for a second, then he quickly put down his newspaper and stood up. I took a deep breath and walked to the table. When I reached there, he gauged me with a careful expression and looked as if he was trying to read my mood. There was another lily lying on the table in front of him.

'Hi', I started.

'Hi'. Apparently that eased his mind a bit as he walked behind me and pulled out my chair, 'Here'.

'Thank you,' I mumbled as I sat down. He walked back to his seat and nodded to the waiter.

'What do you want for breakfast?' The waiter came up before he had finished his sentence.

'Toast and eggs and tea, please,' I told the waiter.

' Yes ma'am', the waiter turned on his hills and walked away.

I looked back at Edward, who was still looking at me with concern. I knew what that was, he was trying to see if I was still in the same mood as last night when I was in his arms, or if I had shifted to freak-out Bella mode. I couldn't blame the guy. My mood swings must have been giving him quite the whiplash. I decided to make things easier for him by referring to last night, so he knew I was ok with it.

'Did you sleep well?' His eyes went wide for a second at what I said, then he recovered with a little twinkle in his eyes.

'For a while, yes', a smile was threatening to break out across his face. I tried to think of why he found this amusing…then my face blanched.

'Oh, please please…don't tell me! No, no, no!' My face scrunched in humiliation and he was now concerned at my temporary breakdown.

'Bella, what? What's wrong?'

'Did I talk?' His face relaxed as he understood my reason for the outbreak. He didn't answer me.

'What did I say?' my voice was stern. I wasn't kidding about this and I certainly didn't care for the look of amusement he was wearing.

He shrugged.

I looked down for a second to calm down, trying to remember what I had dreamed about. But I drew a complete blank, which means I could have said anything without having the slightest clue. I hated this. Somehow this tipped the balance of power in his direction and I didn't care for it. How can I know what I am dealing with if I don't even know what crazy confessions I made to him in my slumber. When I looked back up at him my tone was very serious.

'They don't mean anything, you know. Things I say in my sleep. It's all just crazy talk. I don't mean any of it.'

He looked at me for a few more seconds, his amusement long gone. Now he was trying to read my mind to judge the truth in my words. I really did mean it. I couldn't be held responsible for the ramblings of my subconscious when I was in dreamland.

He was now playing with his fork on the table. His face looked a little sad. I felt a twinge of guilt at causing that look on his face. I sighed and noticed the movement of his fingers on the fork. He had beautiful fingers. Perfect, slim and long. I could see the touch of professional manicures. Then I looked up at the rest of him and felt another twinge of guilt. This gorgeous man, who was kind and thoughtful, had taken me out to dinner, let me stay in his bed, held me when I wanted him to, and now sat in front of me at breakfast. There was so much beauty in his whole being, and the perfection of it was marred by the sad look in his face. Which I had caused. What did he see in _me_? Why was he letting me do this to him?

I sighed and looked at the white lily, identical to the one I had found upstairs, lying on the table between us. I smiled as I saw yet another note wrapped around its stem.

'Is that for me too?' He looked up at me and I nodded towards the flower. He smiled, but he was still sad and the corners of his eyes didn't wrinkle like they did when he smiled with all his heart.

'Yes, of course it's for you,' he reached for the flower and gave it to me. I fingered the petals and felt how soft they were.

'How did you know I like lilies?' I was a little concerned to be honest. It was a bit freaky that he had picked up my favorite flowers.

'I didn't! You like them?' Now his face was alight and the smile reached beyond his eyes, to the back of his head. I couldn't help but giggle a little. 'Yes, they are actually my favorite.'

'They are mine too.'

I raised an eyebrow…seriously, what are the chances? A look of determination flashed in his eyes and then he began.

'Well, they have been since this morning…I tried to pick out a flower that reminded me of you and this was the one that caught my eyes. It reminded me of the day we met. That moment when I first saw you, you weren't even looking at anyone, just completely lost in your pager. But the air around you Bella…there was so much purity in you that it was pouring out and illuminating the air around you. I didn't have to get to know you to know who you were…you were the purest person I have ever met.'

I was stunned by his little rant. It was way too early in the morning to hear the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. And I hadn't even had my tea yet!

'Edward, how can you know that? You don't know me. You don't know the things that I have done before. For all you know, I could be an ex-con who mended her ways and went to medical school and now steals drugs from the hospital.'

He smirked.

'Are you an ex-con with a drug problem Bella?'

'No, but that's not the point.'

'That's exactly the point. You are not. You _are_ pure. You just haven't had people around you who appreciate it, and so you take it for granted.'

I huffed in frustration. He wasn't going about it logically. He was just guessing at my character and building me up into something that he wanted.

'I'm not just making random assumptions Bella. After my initial shock of meeting you wore out, I spent the rest of the time at that hospital finding out things about you. Bella, you are the person who switches shifts with people even if it's inconvenient because you want to make life easier for other people, which shows that you are ridiculously compassionate. You check on patients after hours just to make sure their pain medication is optimal, which shows that you are dedicated. You eat lunch with the nurses, which shows that you aren't arrogant. You play with the children at pediatrics after hours to keep them occupied. One of them came looking for you the other day, which is why I went to play music for them. Do you want me to go on?'

I shook my head from side to side.

'Not that all these things matter, but they just confirmed my initial feeling about you. Bella, don't you see? There's so much goodness in you that you aren't even aware of it. Because it's so intrinsic to your nature, you don't even see what the big deal is.'

'I _don't_ see what the big deal is. Edward, I'm not the only person who does all those things.'

'No you are not. But like I said, that's not the point. I fell in love with you and then found out those things, not the other way around. Those things are just helping me win this argument.'

'And the argument is about how good I am?'

'Yes'

'Would you forfeit if I just wore a halo?'

He smiled and shook his head. The waiter brought my food and I dug in, realizing how hungry I had been.

'You are worlds apart from anyone else that I have in my life.' He watched me thoughtfully as he said this.

'Oh?' I said as I bit into my toast.

'The music industry…it's a dirty place. Drugs, money, sex, fame. That's what everyone is concerned with. I have been a spectator to how people waste their lives away chasing after empty things and eventually settle into a life of misery. I haven't had a reason to step outside and meet someone who doesn't belong to that world before. Getting sick on during this trip was the best thing that could have happened to me. It threw me into another world…_your_ world. And I only now realize that it is indeed possible to step out from the ugliness and find purity elsewhere. That's what I'm trying to do Bella.'

I nodded. 'A spectator? Does that mean you are not one of the people that want those things?' I peeked at him from the top of my tea cup.

'I was. When I first got into it. Sometime after Mom died. Dad tried to keep me company as much as possible, but he is a very busy man. Eventually he asked me if I wanted to work with my music to keep me busy outside of school and it sounded like a good idea to me at the same. Anything to keep my mind occupied and not need to be lonely. But I was too young Bella, to see through the glitz and the glamour into the reality behind it all. So in the beginning, I was also one of those people. I did _all_ those things. But eventually, as I kept growing up, I found myself again and now I just like being able to share my music with other people. However, since it's the only world I have known since I was so young, everyone I know comes from there.'

My heart clenched at the thought of a young Edward caught up in those horrible things. I suddenly had an urge to reach out to him and hide him from the rest of the world, to protect him from anything that would cause him harm.

'Are you happy with your life now?' I don't know why but I needed to know that he was happy.

'I will answer you if you will answer the same question for me first.'

I thought about it. 'I can't complain. I have a job that I like. People who care for me.' I shrugged.

'That's not the answer to that question. Are you _happy_ Bella?'

I shrugged again.

'I have the same answer. Job that I like, people who care, can't complain. But happiness is hard to define.'

'But in your pictures…you look happy.' I thought about all those bright smiles I had seen him wear in the pictures on the internet.

'Those are poses Bella. I am trained to put on faces regardless of how I am really feeling.' His face was thoughtful.

We were quiet for a few moments as I processed this. How was a famous musician and one of the richest people on this planet feeling the same way about his life as I was feeling about mine? And how on earth did we find each other? I finally broke the silence.

'Edward, thank you for telling me all those things about yourself.'

'You're welcome. I told you that all you need to do is ask. I will tell you anything you want to know.'

'I do want to know one more thing.'

'What's that?' He leaned forward on the table.

'How exactly am I going to go to work?'

He chuckled and leaned back on his chair. 'Everything's been taken care of Bella. You can go back upstairs and shower if you want. As soon as you are ready to go and I will take you to work.'

'What about the paparazzi?'

'Oh, my people took care of them. They won't be disturbing us here anymore.'

'Does 'taking care' entail taking them to a ditch and putting a bullet in them or something?'

He laughed out loud. 'No, but that does sound very appealing. They just made a deal with them. I will make an appearance at a club that they will be camped outside and they can get some much more scandalous pictures then.'

'Oh, Ok.'

Edward stayed downstairs, to give me some space I guess, while I went back to the room. Once there, I found a selection of jeans in various styles and sizes, and a large rack full of different kinds of tops. There were undergarments in a bag, a couple of boxes with shoes. Everything was designer.

I didn't know if I should be mad at the extravagance of it all or feel touched by the gesture. I decided to make that decision later.

I picked the least expensive looking things I could find, not that it was easy since there were no price tags on anything. I went into the shower and was once again overwhelmed by the selection of different kinds of shampoos and soaps and lotions. I rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness of it all and skipped past the fancy shmancy fragrances and picked a jasmine shampoo and soap.

Once I was done at the shower I changed and was blow drying my hair when there was a knock on the door. I came out of the bathroom at the same time as I yelled 'It's open.'

Edward walked in through the door and burst out laughing as soon as he saw me. I was suddenly very self aware and quickly checked to see if there were any articles of clothing missing. I glared at him to make him spill what was causing him to laugh like an idiot.

'Bella, if you like my outfit so much you could just have told me. That would be _another_ way to compliment me.' His eyes glittered with mirth.

'What?' I was still confused.

'We match.'

Damn! I hadn't even thought about that. I had just tried to pick out the simplest looking things, and they happened to be a white shirt and jeans. I looked down at myself then at him, then smirked.

'What can I say, I just had so much to choose from that I got confused so I decided to draw on some inspiration to help me decide.' I raised an eyebrow.

He shrugged and kept smiling.

'Stop smiling Edward. This is ridiculous,' I said pointing to the piles of clothes on the bed and the racks before continuing. ' I could just have borrowed one of your shirts or something. When did you even have time to get all this stuff anyway?'

He stopped smiling and his expression changed into one I didn't recognize. 'I didn't. I asked Soren to pick these up last night after we came back. And I actually like your alternative. I wish I had thought of that.'

I chose to ignore the last part of that comment. 'That poor guy. Doesn't he ever get tired of running around getting things for me?'

'No, believe me, he doesn't. He likes you.' He smiled. I gave him a look.

'He thinks you're good for me.'

'Oh.'

Edward dropped me off at the hospital after that. I thanked Soren on the way and he actually didn't seem to mind running off at Edward's ridiculous whims.

Edward gave me the lily that had been on the breakfast table and promised to pick me up after work before he dropped me off. He also said I wasn't to open the note on the lily until later that night.

Call me crazy, but it felt like a bright day at Forks even though the clouds were still hiding the sun. From the moment I stepped foot inside the hospital, people seemed to be in better moods than on most days. I smiled at everyone whose eyes I caught and people gave me smiles in return. I took a deep breath and tried to stop smiling before stepping into the surgical ward but the stupid corners of my mouth had their own plans.

I was a little weary about facing my colleagues. Word spread fast around here and even though I had tried to be careful, I couldn't be totally certain that they didn't know that I had spent the night with Edward Cullen. Obviously, not in _that_ way. But spent the night nonetheless.

When I went past the nurses' station, some of them gave me a few glances but made no comments. _That_ I expected since he had picked me up outside the hospital yesterday and there was just no way they didn't know that. I sighed in relief as I made my way into the doctors' station. I checked the schedule in the hall to see that Sarah was the intern in the ward today, which was also a relief since she wasn't much of a gossip. When I entered the doctors' station and went to turn on my computer I gasped.

There was a single white lily sitting on my keyboard. Identical to the one I had hidden away in my locker just a few minutes ago. I looked around frantically to see if Edward was standing nearby somewhere, but no such luck. I walked out to the corridor and he wasn't there either. I wondered for a while when he had gotten the flower here without having the staff notice but then decided it best not to burden myself with it since the guy was capable of some crazy things, apparently. I retrieved the little note stuck to the stem of the flower:

_What shall I do with all the days and hours  
That must be counted ere I see thy face?  
How shall I charm the interval that lowers  
Between this time and that sweet time of grace?_

He is kidding me, right? Poetry? Really? I cringed at the corniness of it at the same time as I smiled at the fact that it was kind of sweet. Wait, what? _Sweet_? I was turning into such a _girl_! I had no idea I had it in me. I quickly hid the flower behind an anatomy book and stuck the note in my pocket.

We went through rounds without anyone saying anything about Edward and I was relieved. I gave all the ordinations and walked to the nurses' station to retrieve some charts and there it was: another white lily sitting on the table. There were no nurses around at that moment, so I quickly grabbed it and ran into the doctors' station where I hid the second flower in the same place as the first one. The note was again a poem about missing someone you loved:

_Ye flowers that drop, forsaken by the spring,_  
_Ye birds that, left by summer, cease to sing,_  
_Ye trees that fade, when Autumn heats remove,_  
_Say, is not absence death to those who love?_

Were all people in the music business this dramatic? I mean, seriously, I was just with him a few hours ago. I decided then and there that I would give him a very hard time that night about the melodramatic poems and Edward Cullen would forever run the other way at the mention of romantic poetry.

At lunch, I went to the cafeteria and got my salad and soda before making my way to my usual table. And sure enough, there was a white lily on the table. _Where the hell were the flowers coming from?_ I looked around me again to see who could have left it there, since I know for a fact that the table was empty when I had walked into the cafeteria. The stem held another poem:

_Ever absent, ever near;_  
_Still I see thee, still I hear;_  
_Yet I cannot reach thee, dear!_

Luckily, there were no more flowers all afternoon. There may as well have been some since I lived in constant fear of them turning up at every step. At the end of the afternoon, I was eager to get out of work as soon as my day was over. But one of the patients got critical and I had to stay in a couple of extra hours. I realized what an idiot I had been by not taking Edward's number this morning, and I didn't want to go through his hospital journals to dig up information for personal use, since that was all kinds of wrong. I just decided that I would apologize to him when I saw him. Also, he could probably use whichever means he was using to get the flowers to me to find out why I was late. When I was finally done and went to my locker to change, there was an extra white lily in addition to the one I had left there this morning. The note said:

_I am tired, Beloved,_  
_of chafing my heart against_  
_the want of you;_  
_of squeezing it into little inkdrops,_  
_And posting it._

_p.s. if you are reading this then your workday was long over and you have kept me waiting regardless of all the reminders all day about how much I would miss you._

I chuckled at the thought that he anticipated this. And suddenly, I couldn't wait to get to him. He knew what he was doing all day. He kept those flowers and the poems coming because he wanted to make sure I didn't lose my connection to him and get lost in myself again. And it had worked. I had been anxious about people finding out about the flowers all day and in the process my mind had been completely consumed by Edward. The smell of the white lilies was heavy in my head and I smiled to myself as I realized that from now on I would _always_ associate them with Edward. I got dressed quickly and sprinted outside to meet the annoyingly romantic man who I had apparently been missing all day to give him a piece of my mind.

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in update. I had a total writer's block on this one and started working on a different story meanwhile (check it out if you like my writing, called Source of Serendipity), which worked, since it totally opened up my block for this one. Updates to be expected regularly now, in exchange for reviews. Reviews inspire me and make me write faster 'cause they make me wanna please you kids. **


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